What is it with people so desperate to get to work on a Monday morning that they have to come speeding up behind you and sit on your arse?
Its Monday, I'm tired, I dont want to be up, the last thing I want is a knob like you winding me up.
Then you get someone who's more asleep than you who drives around bends & corners at 5mph, COME ON, Dont you realise the guy behind me is in a hurry?
Oh shit, theres Mrs Jazz, quick get past her before she realises shes in the wrong lane and cuts across, YES, she cut up Mr In a Rush.
Also, whats with this dumb b***h in the white Audi wearing sunglasses (that cloud is blinding you know), she comes around the round-a-bout , sees me about the pull out and stops in front of me. Dont stop in the middle of the roundabout dumbass. Then I get the boyfriend staring at me in the wing mirror. Yes I can see you prick, just realise you are the one being driven! Oh and to top it off, the 5mph corner, which prompts the funny face and slapping of the wrist.
Good morning everyone, arent you all glad its Monday?
Monday 21 May 2012
Thursday 17 May 2012
Been a While
Its been a while since I posted on here, but that doesnt mean I've had nothing to moan about. I have plenty, just most of the time too tired to bother. Its not just traffic either, I'm fighting this constant war with the idiots who cycle on the path up Duke Street or the muppets who think the 22 stone 6ft 2 bloke will disappear when they get to him.
I swear Mrs Jazz is driving a Fusion these days, it drives all over the place just like her and heads the same way up St Augustines (via the pavement).
The prize this week has to go to the prat in the BMW coming up Silver Road who thought the Silver Fiesta coming the other way was an illusion. I have no where to go you muppet, theres no point carrying on trying to squeeze your way past. Just effin wait! Nope, not gonna, instead he smashed his wing mirror on mine. Luckily mine didnt break, his did though, that will teach you.
Theres so many things to moan about, I need to start posting daily again.
I swear Mrs Jazz is driving a Fusion these days, it drives all over the place just like her and heads the same way up St Augustines (via the pavement).
The prize this week has to go to the prat in the BMW coming up Silver Road who thought the Silver Fiesta coming the other way was an illusion. I have no where to go you muppet, theres no point carrying on trying to squeeze your way past. Just effin wait! Nope, not gonna, instead he smashed his wing mirror on mine. Luckily mine didnt break, his did though, that will teach you.
Theres so many things to moan about, I need to start posting daily again.
Friday 20 April 2012
Tuesday 10 April 2012
Need more Happy Pills
Been a bit quiet over the last week. Its not because I haven't anything to rant about, there's plenty, cyclists, pedestrians, not indicating, being in my way. The pills have run out so I'm back.
Still can't understand why some cyclists are too thick to use the cycle path on Duke Street and continue to cycle up the pavement on the other side? Why do you think its there? I've started playing chicken with them, see who has to move first shall we?
Indicating has always been a pet hate in Norwich, if its not idiots going (sorry GAWN) around the roundabouts without indicating (yeah, can read your fuckin mind, if you have one), its the ones who ignore your indicator and pull out on you. Maybe they aren't used to the orange flashing light on the side of the car. You can always tell your back in Norwich, NO-ONE EFFIN INDICATES.
Something else that pisses me off at the moment as well is manners, people not letting you out. Its a major problem for me sometimes living on a main road, especially in the morning. There's always queues tailing back from the Boundary lights, so I don't understand why people cant let us out when we are coming out of the drive. Are you in that much of a hurry to join the back of a queue 5 yards down the road? Then there's the idiots who block the drive, WTF? Its not going to kill you to leave some space for me to pull out.
I used to have a rule, kind of a karma thing, if I let someone out, someone will return the favour, LIKE FUCK WILL THEY! Its the same with filtering in from 2 lanes to one, why can't people filter one from the left, one from the right, why do you have to make sure your in front? Say thanks as well (or chairs).
I need the voice from Facejacker in my car "cyclist detected" "bus detected, do not move" "Fat man with beard detected"
Still can't understand why some cyclists are too thick to use the cycle path on Duke Street and continue to cycle up the pavement on the other side? Why do you think its there? I've started playing chicken with them, see who has to move first shall we?
Indicating has always been a pet hate in Norwich, if its not idiots going (sorry GAWN) around the roundabouts without indicating (yeah, can read your fuckin mind, if you have one), its the ones who ignore your indicator and pull out on you. Maybe they aren't used to the orange flashing light on the side of the car. You can always tell your back in Norwich, NO-ONE EFFIN INDICATES.
Something else that pisses me off at the moment as well is manners, people not letting you out. Its a major problem for me sometimes living on a main road, especially in the morning. There's always queues tailing back from the Boundary lights, so I don't understand why people cant let us out when we are coming out of the drive. Are you in that much of a hurry to join the back of a queue 5 yards down the road? Then there's the idiots who block the drive, WTF? Its not going to kill you to leave some space for me to pull out.
I used to have a rule, kind of a karma thing, if I let someone out, someone will return the favour, LIKE FUCK WILL THEY! Its the same with filtering in from 2 lanes to one, why can't people filter one from the left, one from the right, why do you have to make sure your in front? Say thanks as well (or chairs).
I need the voice from Facejacker in my car "cyclist detected" "bus detected, do not move" "Fat man with beard detected"
Thursday 29 March 2012
Miss Fusion
You'll often hear people moaning about bloody boy racers, well Miss Fusion is a bloody girl racer! I came across this goldish Ford Fusion this morning as I was waiting to go down Oak Street. She came flying across the mini roundabut like it wasnt there and speeded off down Oak Street. As we got to the queue of traffic at the bottom I pulled up behind her. She wasnt watching the traffic, constantly looking around, playing with the stereo and doing her hair.
As we went around the Duke Street roundabout and up the dual carriageway she was obviously in a hurry but didnt really get anywhere, all the time weaving in and out of traffic and looking around.
Sometimes I'm glad these people are in front of me so I can keep my distance.
Oh and just for DT, I'm gonna moan about the Panic at the pumps again. Its ridiculous, they havent gone on strike yet and most Supermarket stations get fuel daily so why panic, theres no need. I dont know who the biggest idiots are, the government or the panic buyers. Best get down to the Firs and fill up tomorrow (like I usually do on pay day).
As we went around the Duke Street roundabout and up the dual carriageway she was obviously in a hurry but didnt really get anywhere, all the time weaving in and out of traffic and looking around.
Sometimes I'm glad these people are in front of me so I can keep my distance.
Oh and just for DT, I'm gonna moan about the Panic at the pumps again. Its ridiculous, they havent gone on strike yet and most Supermarket stations get fuel daily so why panic, theres no need. I dont know who the biggest idiots are, the government or the panic buyers. Best get down to the Firs and fill up tomorrow (like I usually do on pay day).
Wednesday 28 March 2012
You know what really grinds my gears?
(it had to be done)
I'm gonna do it! CYCLISTS!!!
Why is it when theres a brand new, well marked cycle path going up one side of Duke Street now, do cyclists STILL cycle on the path and swear at pedestrians? Its no effin rocket science.
The funny bit was when another women cycled down it in the opposite direction to the arrows. She said "why are the arrows pointing up the one way street" ermmm because its a one way street and this is so you can safely cycle the other way up it without getting in the way of cars or running into pedestrians. "So why does it not go down the street?" Because your supposed to be riding on the road! You dont need a path to go the same way as the traffic!
Then theres the cyclists with no road sense. OOH theres a car indicating at the junction to turn left, so what do they do, sit on the left side of the front of the car waiting to go straight over. Oh its a one way street so the car is lookin the other way. DUMBASS, its a good job I still looked left before pulling out, others may not.
These people should go to Amsterdam, see how its done.
I'm gonna do it! CYCLISTS!!!
Why is it when theres a brand new, well marked cycle path going up one side of Duke Street now, do cyclists STILL cycle on the path and swear at pedestrians? Its no effin rocket science.
The funny bit was when another women cycled down it in the opposite direction to the arrows. She said "why are the arrows pointing up the one way street" ermmm because its a one way street and this is so you can safely cycle the other way up it without getting in the way of cars or running into pedestrians. "So why does it not go down the street?" Because your supposed to be riding on the road! You dont need a path to go the same way as the traffic!
Then theres the cyclists with no road sense. OOH theres a car indicating at the junction to turn left, so what do they do, sit on the left side of the front of the car waiting to go straight over. Oh its a one way street so the car is lookin the other way. DUMBASS, its a good job I still looked left before pulling out, others may not.
These people should go to Amsterdam, see how its done.
Tuesday 27 March 2012
Warning on AS (Audi Syndrome)
After extended research it appears that AS is actually contractable by women. It's not as clear what the symptoms are as it is with men who have small penises, some suggest it could be to do with Penis Envy. One such case from this morning involved an A3 driver who whilst racing everyone was putting on her makeup and changing her Sunglasses. It is highly recommended to avoid these people. One possible solution to the condition is to buy a BMW or Mercedes but in some cases the condition may worsen.
Monday 26 March 2012
Quiet Weekend
Well I have to say it was a relatively quiet weekend, the only incident that really got to me was the dozy old cow in a silver Clio who decided to not look and just fly across the roundabout Kamikaze stylie.
Normal service resumed this morning. (see Audi Syndrome below).
The drive home involved the usual white van man who thought he was in a Grand Prix and racing everyone, cutting across the road in front of me so I had to brake.
Then the tits in their Land Rovers who couldnt wait behind the parked cars on their side of the road until it was clear so had to speed through on the wrong side as quickly as they could.
Also, looks like the panic buying may have already started at the petrol pumps. Looks like the tanker drivers are going on strike soon so some people decided to get in as everyone was leaving work, fill their car up, then fill up the petrol cans too. £95 to fill up a Corsa, I dont think so mate. No wonder theres queues when prats like this panic. Not what you need with the idiots above then having to wait for petrol after a hard day at work.
No wonder I have a bad head now.
Normal service resumed this morning. (see Audi Syndrome below).
The drive home involved the usual white van man who thought he was in a Grand Prix and racing everyone, cutting across the road in front of me so I had to brake.
Then the tits in their Land Rovers who couldnt wait behind the parked cars on their side of the road until it was clear so had to speed through on the wrong side as quickly as they could.
Also, looks like the panic buying may have already started at the petrol pumps. Looks like the tanker drivers are going on strike soon so some people decided to get in as everyone was leaving work, fill their car up, then fill up the petrol cans too. £95 to fill up a Corsa, I dont think so mate. No wonder theres queues when prats like this panic. Not what you need with the idiots above then having to wait for petrol after a hard day at work.
No wonder I have a bad head now.
Audi Syndrome
What is Audi Syndrome? Well apparently its having a small penis therefore driving a black Audi and having to beat a little old Fiesta like a big man!
Well Mr S4 definitely seemed to think he was a big man this morning as he speeded past me at the boundary lights just so he could get in front of me. Well done mate, really got you far considering I was behind you all the way to Toys R Us, Cock.
Its not the first Audi this week to piss me off. The first was a black A3 which cut me up on the Duke Street/St Crispins roundabout and then decided to pretend no-one else was around.
Friday 23 March 2012
Why is he waiting in the middle of the road indicating?
So today's big moan apart from motorcyclists has to be the impatient prats who cant wait for people to turn. I needed to stop of at a shop to pick up some milk so stopped at a particular store owned by the company currently trying to take over the world. As I pulled up to the entrance of the car park I noticed a small white van waiting to pull out and so rather than trying to squeeze past him in an already packed car park, I thought I would hold back and let him out (after all, I am a gentleman). Unfortunately the two cars behind me couldn't wait as they have such awesome jobs which they couldn't wait to get to. So these two over take us, but still he couldn't pull out because of two cyclists who rather than than go past on the left side, decided to go round and out in front of oncoming traffic.
Why do these people think I'm waiting here with my indicator on? Is it really going to matter waiting 5 seconds for another car to pull out? Anyway the road became clear, so the white van pulled out, we both looked at each other laughed and shook our heads as he put his hand up to thank me for waiting.
It doesn't end there, as soon as he had gone I noticed some twat in a Peugeot RCZ convertible had parked behind blocking the whole entrance, WELL DONE DICKHEAD. This prompted my usual over reaction and shouting of "Get out of the fuckin way you wanker".
Put me in the perfect mood for Mr Piaggio.
At least the drive home this evening was event less and peaceful, maybe its because the weekend is here and I'm calmly singing along to Jesse J. "Dirty dancing in the moonlight, Take me down like I'm a domino."
Why do these people think I'm waiting here with my indicator on? Is it really going to matter waiting 5 seconds for another car to pull out? Anyway the road became clear, so the white van pulled out, we both looked at each other laughed and shook our heads as he put his hand up to thank me for waiting.
It doesn't end there, as soon as he had gone I noticed some twat in a Peugeot RCZ convertible had parked behind blocking the whole entrance, WELL DONE DICKHEAD. This prompted my usual over reaction and shouting of "Get out of the fuckin way you wanker".
Put me in the perfect mood for Mr Piaggio.
At least the drive home this evening was event less and peaceful, maybe its because the weekend is here and I'm calmly singing along to Jesse J. "Dirty dancing in the moonlight, Take me down like I'm a domino."
Moped Muppets
Have you ever moaned about Mopeds or motorbikes speeding past traffic in the middle of the road or on the other side? But as soon as they sit in front of you in. the queue like everyone else your like "Get out of the fuckin way." Well I am especially with Mr Fuckin Slow Piaggio.
Thursday 22 March 2012
Mrs Jazz
So I think I'll start my first post with a lady I'll call "Mrs Jazz" (as she was driving a silver Honda Jazz). Mrs Jazz is your typical drives a small car but thinks she's in a bus kind of driver. I pulled up behind her at the lights at the bottom of Duke Street, by this point her "Bus" was already straddling the middle and right lane, but clearly going straight over. As we pulled away, straight away Mrs Jazz couldn't keep the car straight and was wondering across the lane.
I followed her around the roundabout and up St Augustine's Street, where she continued her zig zagging across the lane. Mrs Jazz didn't look like she was on a phone or anything, but I thought I'd stay back a bit and give her plenty of room to manoeuvre the double decker. Bet the guy waiting to come out of Sussex Street thought she had plenty of room too until she nearly took the front of his car out. As we approached the top of St Augustine's with the new road layout, she swerved over to the left, making me think she was going straight up Aylsham Rood, NO, swerved back over to the right and braked hard behind the stationery traffic going right. PHEW, got rid of that one.
I followed her around the roundabout and up St Augustine's Street, where she continued her zig zagging across the lane. Mrs Jazz didn't look like she was on a phone or anything, but I thought I'd stay back a bit and give her plenty of room to manoeuvre the double decker. Bet the guy waiting to come out of Sussex Street thought she had plenty of room too until she nearly took the front of his car out. As we approached the top of St Augustine's with the new road layout, she swerved over to the left, making me think she was going straight up Aylsham Rood, NO, swerved back over to the right and braked hard behind the stationery traffic going right. PHEW, got rid of that one.
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